


Dear

by NanakiBH



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:16:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: Together, in that quiet place.





	Dear

**Author's Note:**

> This was what was in my head after I finished playing the game. Bless Yoko Taro. He's a good man for letting Eve have the happy ending he deserved. But my heart demanded more! So here's that.

Black.

Black.

So dark and scary.

Why did his consciousness persist? He didn't want to be aware anymore. He'd given up. He didn't want to live in a world where his brother was gone. Without him, living had no meaning. It was too painful to keep going when he knew that he'd never see his smile again. Everything he did was for the sake of his brother's happiness. Without his smile, the world was...

So dark...

A penetrating black.

There must have been something keeping his thoughts alive. He wanted to be freed from that empty world. If he couldn't destroy it all and take it with him, then he wanted 2B to end him the way she'd ended his brother.

It wasn't the first time he found his brother in that condition, but he'd never seen so much red. He tried rebooting him, over and over. But he wasn't stupid. He knew when enough was enough. He knew when his efforts were in vain. His brother wasn't in there anymore...

He'd silently hoped that Heaven existed. He didn't care about God or anything like that. He just hoped that death would take him to wherever his brother had gone.

He didn't feel angry anymore. The androids... They had something they were trying to protect, too. Having observed the repetitious actions of the machines and androids, it seemed only natural that one of them had to fall. That was the cycle in motion. Without a doubt, if he and his brother stayed there for any longer, more bad things would have happened. No matter how hard he tried to protect him... Even if they were together...

It just hurt so much, holding that as an inevitability.

He didn't want to think that their separation was inevitable.

Even if it was, he was sure he would have done it all over again. He would have gladly leapt back into the endlessly repeating spiral if it meant having another chance to protect him. A part of him still wanted to fight, even if there was nothing left to fight for. He would have tore at the seams of reality to search for him. Because surely, surely, _surely_ he still had to be somewhere.

There was a burning in his chest.

As long as his brother was in there – in his heart – then he felt sure that he would see him again, somehow.

 

Was that 'faith'...?

A belief in something uncertain...

 

With that thought, he didn't feel so alone. He didn't feel so scared. The darkness around him seemed to retreat, backing away to let a ray of light shine upon his heart. His brother was somewhere. His heart said it was true. Even though they were apart, he had the assurance of that completely illogical, uncertain promise that they'd see each other again.

A place called Heaven didn't exist within their universe, but perhaps somewhere far, far away, on the other side of somewhere...

 

Somewhere...

Where the light shined the brightest...

 

He could nearly imagine it.

 

A place like from that book. An infinite paradise where the grass was green, where the sun was shining, where it could be just the two of them forever and ever. There'd be no fighting. They could be happy. His brother would always have a smile.

Was that too much to wish for?

Was a place like that only for humans...?

 

He got the feeling it was time to open his eyes.

He was seized by apprehension, afraid of what he might see. Or, rather, what he might not see.

But he felt someone's gentle touch against his cheek. They were calling his name.

 

That touch, and that voice...

 

The image that appeared before his bleary, adjusting eyes made tears overflow.

 

“Heaven... really does exist.”

 

His brother was there. They were both there, together.

As if to make sure that it was real, he sat up and reached out to put his arms around Adam's shoulders. Then, feeling the warmth of him, he held him tightly so that he wouldn't be able to disappear. If he were told to wait again, he wouldn't. The thought of losing him again was too much to bear. It tarnished the joy of their reunion with a bitter feeling.

 

“Eve...”

 

Strange. Something seemed different. He sounded quieter than usual.

Eve thought he heard that bitter feeling in his voice. It made his chest clench even at the sound of his name.

“Brother? What's wrong?”

Was he still hurt? Was he in pain, too?

Had he changed...?

Even as Adam looked at him, his gaze was distant, like he was looking at something that was beyond them, already gone. “While you were being restored, I accessed your memory data from the period following my death. I realize now... I shouldn't have gone ahead without you. I should have considered what you wanted.”

Eve smiled and shook his head. “I just want to be with you. I don't need anything else.”

“I learned a lot from your data. I severed my connection from the Network before my fight with 2B. I didn't want you to interrupt before I could find out what it was like to die. But... As a result of disconnecting myself from the Network, I didn't retain any of the information I obtained before deactivation. I thought that was a shame. I wanted to know...! So... I probed your memory. I thought I could get a feel for what death was like if I observed the results from your perspective.”

Eve didn't know why his brother was so desperate to understand something so pointless. After death, there was nothing until he opened his eyes again.

It was nothing.

It wasn't special at all.

 

“It was horrible,” Adam said. There was a terrible look on his face.

 

Eve reached out without hesitation and touched his cheek. “Brother?”

“I'm sorry...” He clutched him tightly, holding him against his chest. “I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I hadn't thought about what would happen if I left you alone. I thought-... I don't know what I was thinking! I thought I'd come back. I thought it'd be temporary, even if it was permanent. Even if I'm here now, it was for nothing. I learned nothing!”

Eve didn't really understand what he meant. As far as he knew, they were dead – or they should've been, at least. They still existed somehow, so his brother didn't have to regret anything. It was okay. Nothing was his fault. Even if Adam left him alone, he didn't have to apologize. Eve knew how important the knowledge of the humans was to him, so it was okay... As long as it made him happy.

He didn't sound happy, though.

Even if they were together again, when Eve thought about what happened... It didn't feel as okay as it should've.

 

“I... I missed you. So much.”

 

Adam put a hand on the back of his head and stroked his hair. “I know. I felt your loneliness. It was a horrible feeling. But it wasn't unfamiliar to you, was it? Whenever I went somewhere, for no matter how long, you missed me. From the very beginning – from the moment you were born – it seems you understood a feeling that was unknown to me.”

Maybe.

Eve recalled the urgency he felt when he was born; the imperative to protect the one who came before him. Was it a command, burned into his code somewhere? He didn't think so. It never registered to him as an order. To him, it was just a fact. He had to protect him – not because someone told him to, but because... His brother was unspeakably dear to him.

Because he was so dear, that was why.

“We're two of a kind, brother. I was born to be with you, so I never wanted you to know what it felt like to be lonely.”

Eve knew how much he'd lose if his brother's light vanished from the world.

Reading was boring, but he saw how happy and excited it made Adam to learn about the humans. If it made him happy, then Eve wanted him to learn lots and lots. But he never wanted him to learn that feeling...

Forget.

Forget.

He wanted his brother to forget it! Erase it from his memory!

He didn't have the permissions to alter him directly, so he did what he read in one of Adam's books. He squeezed him really, really tightly. Humans hugged to show 'affection'. It was supposed to make loneliness stop.

 

He felt Adam's arms around him, too.

 

“I won't die again, Eve,” he said. He sounded confident. “I never want to forget that feeling... I'll never leave you alone again. I promise, I'll protect you.”

“Y... You don't have to do that!” Eve insisted. “Protecting you is my job!”

Adam put his hands on his shoulders and gently moved him back to look him in the eyes. “Because you were always there, I took you for granted. I realize now just how important you are. I wouldn't want to exist without you. I think that understanding the feeling of grief and loneliness is more important than knowing what it's like to die. Losing something important – family, friends, opportunities – and feeling that loss forever after... The humans had to live, knowing that they would inevitably encounter those horrific losses. That awareness made everything precious.”

Eve wished it didn't have to be that way. They weren't human, after all, but in order to protect the strong feelings he had for his brother, it seemed like it was necessary for them to understand those other human feelings. Eve knew that if he stayed oblivious forever, he would just end up losing him again.

It was so complicated...

He just wanted to close his eyes – to fall back asleep, held warmly in his brother's arms.

 

Warmly...

 

Eve rested his head against Adam's shoulder and looked up at him. “Brother, you feel... Closer?”

There was a distance before.

He hadn't wanted to acknowledge it, but he was aware of it. His brother was always away from him, even when they were together. He was always thinking about the humans. Something had definitely changed in him. Eve never wanted him to hurt or feel sad, but if his brother's sadness made them closer, then...

No. That was selfish.

He didn't want him to feel that way for his sake. Besides, his brother would have never...

 

“Eve?”

 

Tears were rolling down his face again.

He couldn't help it. It was confusing. He was confused.

 

“Is this real, brother? Is any of this real? I couldn't protect you... I'm not a good boy. I don't deserve this.”

Putting an arm under his knees, Adam lifted him into his lap. He hushed him and continued to absently stroke his fingers through his hair. “It's okay. This is real. I told you, didn't I? I restored you from the Network. A lot of things happened after you were killed. Would you like me to transfer memory data or shall I explain in words?”

Scared of what he might see in Adam's memory, Eve replied quietly, “Words, please...”

“We are in what is known as the Tower, the residence of the machine Network. It is our Ark now, carrying us away from Earth. Physical bodies would be inconvenient in a subspace environment. Thus, our consciousnesses are being housed as active data within the system. What you see around us is an environment I personally crafted. It has everything to accommodate a long journey, but alterations can be made at a whim. There are so many possibilities, I have many ideas...”

That wasn't the part Eve was most concerned with.

“Away from Earth...?”

The feverish excitement drained from Adam's face. His eyebrows came together in a somewhat troubled look. “Allow me to interface with you for a moment. I'll make it brief. I won't show you more than I have to.”

They rarely interfaced to share knowledge. Adam believed in learning things the way the humans did, little by little. For him to want to share information instantaneously, he must have thought it was the best way to convey the things he knew. It must have been something scary... Eve was hesitant, but since his brother said he would do it carefully...

He nodded.

He raised one of his hands, and Adam placed their palms together.

 

Eve saw the stars. He saw the moon as they went by.

It was empty.

 

When their palms separated, Eve stared into nowhere, processing the information he'd been given.

The humans were gone, just like the aliens.

It didn't make a lot of difference to him, but he knew how disappointing it was for Adam.

 

Eve stood and looked at the place around them. Until that moment, he hadn't noticed anything besides his brother.

There was green grass under his feet. A gentle breeze caressed his cheek as he lifted his head and looked at the scenery. There were trees of all kinds and soft, white clouds in the sky. A river snaked through the grass and disappeared away from them. There was a house a small distance away, and he saw tall buildings and water far off along the horizon. He got the sense that if he wanted, he could walk all the way there and see things he'd never seen before.

 

“This place is ours, Eve – a quiet place for just the two of us.”

 

His smile looked uncertain. It wasn't convincing enough for Eve.

It sounded perfect, but it would've never been perfect if his brother wasn't happy.

 

“Are you sure this isn't just another compromise? Like my clothes? And the fruit? You wanted to go to the moon and see the humans.”

Adam was quiet for a moment. He gave a long, exhausted sigh and laid down. “Plans change. That can't be called a compromise. Of course I'm disappointed, but I can't stop at disappointment. We need to find ourselves a new home. It may be a long time. Maybe forever. This will be our home until then.”

Hm.

Eve wasn't sure what to make of that. Compromise or not, his brother still wasn't happy about it. It was very sad to think that he'd never have the chance to meet the humans to find out what made them so special. It was one of those 'losses'. His brother was grieving the opportunity he wouldn't have. If he wanted him to forget about his grief, then he would've had to make him forget about the humans, but if he did that, then he wouldn't have even been the same brother anymore.

He returned to Adam's side and knelt down beside him in the grass.

“We have all the humans' data, don't we? So we can still read books and watch movies and do all sorts of things like the humans did. They recorded those things so they wouldn't forget their own history. They might be gone, but they aren't really gone, you know?”

Adam looked at him.

Slowly, he smiled a faint smile that warmed his eyes.

He held out an arm, and Eve laid down in the spot under his arm.

“You're a good boy,” he said. “So smart.”

“If you say so, brother,” Eve said, giggling. Resting his head on Adam's chest, he turned his eyes to the clouds and release a content sigh.


End file.
